Headphones

14 May

Dear Guy on the Subway who Doesn’t Believe in Headphones,

Seriously? There’s a reason headphones where invented, and that reason is you.

Love,

Allergic to you. xo

So there I am, minding my own business on the subway, sandwiched in between a suit, the pole, and dude who won’t stop leaning on me.  Suddenly, I hear very bad, very loud music blasted from amongst the city slickers. Heads pop up, eyes wander and try to find the asshole that’s blasting crumby music. I wondered how I could still hear it with my own ipod blasting in my ears. Finally, I realized it was coming from dude who won’t stop leaning on me.  Some Prada wearing business lady asked him politely to turn it down.

Dude: It doesn’t turn down.

Prada: Then turn it off.

Dude: It doesn’t turn off. And this shit is better than anything you would ever listen to anyways.

Well, that could definitely be the case, but needless to say, I felt it was time to insert a swift elbow jab.  Unfortunately, dude who wouldn’t stop leaning on me who doesn’t believe in headphones and consequently smells of a fabulous mix of urine and alcohol was so engulfed in his shitty music that he didn’t even notice my swift elbow jab.  This disappointed me greatly, as I only pull out the jab on special occasions. By this point, the entire train looked offended and annoyed, as he announced in his best slurred voice:

Dude: Mmmhow bouts mmsome classic rock, right? Cuz mmmthats mmsome good tunes. Mmmyou can’t mmgo wrong with classic rock.

Too bad his idea of classic rock was actually Nickelback.

This offends me on so many levels and that doesn’t include that fact that the thought of Nickelback alone gives me the urge to projectile vomit. And if you don’t know who Nickelback is, then you are one lucky bastard. Keep it that way, seriously. And if you know who they are and you like them, well, I’ll speak to the positive and say, maybe there’s still help for you yet.

You: Whatever. Everyone has different tastes in music.

Me: I wouldn’t consider that ‘music’.

You: So your opinion trumps everyone elses?

Me: Now you’re catching on. Gold star.

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2 Responses to “Headphones”

  1. db May 19, 2010 at 6:01 pm #

    Was glad to see that your back – writing again…Is it bad to say that I have missed your stories? 🙂

    • silentorchestra May 26, 2010 at 8:29 pm #

      Thanks! I’ve missed it… and no, it is good that you’ve missed my stories because that makes me feel a little less crazy. Hooray!! 🙂

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