Pole Hoggers

26 May


Today’s topic: Pole hoggers.

Dear Mr. I’m-so-speacial-that-this-entire-pole-belongs-to-me-and-I-may-feel-the-need-to-rub-my-ass-against-it-as-I-lean,

News flash! You’re not that special.

Stop it.



Allergic to you. xo

So that pretty much explains it. Really.  I might (maybe) understand a child using the pole as a personal crutch, but a 40-something year-old man? No. Nadda. Nope.

You: Did it ever occur to you that maybe he needed the pole as support?

Me: Indeed, it did. But once I saw him balance his briefcase and coffee on his knee as he put his reading glasses back in his pocket, and then proceed to do an ass-jig against the pole to most likely scratch a persistent itch, I figured that probably was not the case.

You: Oh.

Me: *Slap!* I’m a tad violent today, just a tad.

Anyhoo, so there I am, reading my book and obviously not holding onto the pole as there was another woman beside me who needed it more.  She was struggling at best to find a place for her hand that didn’t touch the Pole Hogger, so I did my best to balance.

You: And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day.

Me: And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!

That’s right, because as soon as the train screeched in the next stop, Mr. Pole H0gger jolted forward an inch (apparently, he’s not an ass-cheek flexing gold medalist). I shoved my entire body between him and the pole (not before shooting him my famous death-ray glare) and made proper space for the woman beside me to hold it. She nodded, he scowled, and then continued to do an ass-jig to the other side of the train, where he did the exact same thing. Moron.

Me: So that calls for some good karma, right?

You: Well…

Me: *Slap!* What do you know, anyways?

You: Okay, okay. Good karma. Good karma!

Me: Better.  That’s what I thought.


One Response to “Pole Hoggers”

  1. db May 26, 2010 at 11:08 pm #

    I just got back from a trip – my first real experience with public transportation (or rather, public transportation that moves more than 10 people at a time) and your public transportation stories are just that much more funny…being able to relate now and all.

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