PDE (via public transit)

5 Aug

Dear Public Transit Riders,

Smelling, watching and listening to you eat makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

*Slap!*

Love,

Allergic to you. xo

So, let’s start from the beginning.

PDE:  Public Displays of Eating.

You: Geez, people need to eat, you know.

Me: Thanks for clearing that up. You didn’t let me finish…

I’m aware that people need to eat.  It just so happens that I am included in that group.  Who knew?

Now here comes the ‘but’…

BUT:

a) There’s a reason some meals are meant to be consumed at this thing they invented a while back.  Hmmm… whadducallit?  A table? Right.  This way, all of that mess that is currently all over your face, shirt and pants, would fall back nicely into place onto your plate and/or table.  I know it’s a hard concept to grasp, but I’m pretty sure you can get there eventually.  Good luck.

b) I’d prefer (as I’m sure some of my fellow transit riders would agree) not to see the contents of what is in your mouth. Didn’t your mommy teach you manners?

c) Some time ago there was a study that found our transit system to be more contaminated than a public toilet. That being said, I would never eat on it, but hey, that’s just me.  On top of that (I’m sure I’ve mentioned this one, two, three, or fifty times already), I would never eat a chip, touch the pole, eat a chip, lick my fingers, touch the pole, eat a chip, lick my fingers, touch the pole. Watching this offends me on so many levels, I sometimes have to talk myself out of projectile vomitting.  Do you know how many people touch that pole on a daily basis?  Do you seriously believe that pole is cleaned daily? Would you rather just lick the pole, or hey, might as well lick a public toliet seat because according to the study, you’re probably better off.

You: You’ve really thought this through.

Me: Thank-you captain obvious.

So, to summarize, if you find yourself participating in any of the above, don’t be surpised if random chunks of vomit fly your way, courtesty of yours truly.

Over and out.

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