Nose Pickers

23 Aug

Dear Nose Pickers,

This is a bathroom activity. Please keep it that way so as I don’t come in contact with your bodily excrements.


Allergic to you. xo

The fact that I even have to write this offends me.

I mean, come on now, people.  I get the occasional trying-to-be-subtle-scratch-the-side-of-the-nose type thing.  We’ve all done it.  But here I’m talking about full-out, digging a hole to China… and on the subway to boot.

Not only did this guy reach so far up I could barely see his knuckle, he proceeded to wipe his new found treasure all over the pole.

You: And let me guess, you put your hand all over it?

Me: Are you insane? You better believe I watch these fellow transit riders like a hawk and if I would have touched that slime covered pole I probably would have caused a scene that may have prompted something like this:  “Riders of the Yonge/University line, the train has been delayed due to a crazy girl who lost her shit on some random nose picker. Location and status of nose picker unknown. ETA unknown. Steer clear of her if you know what’s good for you.  Sorry for the inconvience.”

You: Wow. That’s some serious aggression.

Me: As if you’re not aware of my many talents by now.

You: I’m not sure I’d call that a talent…

Me: Is that because you also partake in the public pick? You don’t fool me.

You: Hey!! I never…

Moving on…

In conclusion, next time think twice before you pick away like the champion you are and  wipe your bodily fluids all over a publicly accessible pole.  Consider yourself lucky if all you get is a swift elbow jab.


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