Moron #5671

23 Feb

Dear fellow bus riders,

It’s probably not a good idea to vandalize the bus when it is still in park in the station, you know? Just sayin’.

Love,

Allergic to you.xo

Sadly, this little snippet was the highlight of my yesterday (I know, get a life and such).

Picture this:

The bus is packed to the armpits, doors shut, prepared for take-off.

Moron #5671: <Runs to bus>

Passengers: <Stare blankly at moron>

Driver: <Does not open door for moron, begins to slowly take-off>

Moron #5671: <Bangs on bus, kicks bus, bangs on bus, kicks bus>

Driver: <Slams on breaks, passengers faces go flying into armpits (smelly, smelly armpits)>

Moron #5671: <Raises arms in a ‘what!’ motion>

Driver: <Screams through closed door> What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you loco? Huh? <makes crazy motion at head>

Moron #5671: <Yells multiple swears that no one can hear as the door is closed>

Driver: <Opens door> Did you just hit my fucking bus? Did you? Are you loco? Are you crazy? What is wrong with you?

Moron #5671: Ya, I hit your bus!

Me: <Trying extremely hard to contain amusement. Really, really hard>

Driver: Are admitting that you hit my vehicle?? Idiot! Do you want me to call the police?

Moron #5671: What?! No. Listen, I was running for the bus, waving and jumping, and then you just… took off.

Driver: Can you  not see this bus is full. There’s like 3 other buses behind me. What the hell is wrong with you?

Passengers: Hee hee hee. Ha ha ha.

Me: <Smiles>

Moron #5671: Well, maybe you should pay attention to your customers. Customer service!

Driver: What did I just tell you? Where would you even fit on this bus, smarty pants (nice touch).

Me: <Thinking, at this point, if I were Mr. Bus Driver, I would have said, ‘Here’s your customer service, and flipped him the bird>

Moron #5671: <Can’t think of anything intelligent to say, feeling defeated> Well! Uh… ya! like! LIKE! I was running!!!

Random Passenger: You go Forest. Run Forest, run!

Passengers: <Applaud>

Driver: <Steps up to moron’s face> DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN. WAIT FOR THE NEXT GODDAMN BUS!!! YOU ARE VERY, VERY STUPID AND DANGEROUS!

Moron #5671: <Confused look> Ya, well, like, LIKE….

Driver: <Takes off like a bat out of hell>

Passengers: <Smile and are happy for the rest of the ride, and considerate to fellow riders (i.e. muttering words such as, excuse me, thank you and please)>

So that’s all it takes? A little vandalism, a little confrontation, a little yelling and screaming… and the passengers are happy!

Good to know.

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