Tag Archives: office

The return of moron #451

25 Mar

Dear moron #451,

If you ever clip your nails at your desk again, I will not hesitate to throw up on your face, rather than in my mouth.


I’ll probably drop kick you as well, like so:


Allergic to you.xo


Speaker Phones

6 Aug

Dear Speaker Phone abusers users,

Do me a favour, please, for the love of god, at least turn the volume down a notch or I’ll yank that damn phone right out of the wall.


Allergic to you. xo

Alright, so here’s the deal.  I get the convenience and handiness of speaker phones. Totally.  There’s definitely a place where I draw the line, though, and that line begins here.

For specific settings (and by specific, I mean ‘office’), not all of us are as lucky to have an actual office.  You know, like with a door and stuff.

So please, if you have an office, and feel the need to make every.single.call. on speaker phone, turn the volume down or shut your goddamn door.

Alternatively, if you do not have an office but still make speaker phone calls, then watch out because I’m coming for you. *Slap*

You: Wow. Irritated or what?

Me: Listen. Do you hear that? It’s the other end of the phone ringing once, twice, thrice, twenty! times. *Doo doo dooodoo. Doo. Doo doo.* Ring… ring…. ring…. ring…. ring…. ring… ring… ring…. ring… ring… ring… ring…. ring… ring… ring…. ring… ring… ring… ring…

Seriously. I hear that all day long. No matter how high I turn the volume on my computer that’s attached to my headphones that’s attached to my head.

Actually, as I am typing this there is a technical support call on speaker somewhere in the office, and I can hear the entire conversation as if the woman is screaming in my eardrum. Seriously.

A: Now press OK.

B: Yep.

A: Now move to the next screen.

B: Yep.

A: Now do you see that box?

B: Yep.

A: Now click on it.

B: Yep.

I mean, really? Really?

You: I though you said you don’t write this at the office.

Me: I told you that I wouldn’t dream of such a thing.

Anyhoo, what was I getting at?  Right.

Speaker phone users of planet earth, please respect your fellow earthlings. Some of us have very detail oriented jobs that need concentration and focus (I know, hard to imagine, right?).  Well, believe it and shut that stupid speaker off or I’ll be required to shove it where the sun don’t shine.

Happy weekend!

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