Tag Archives: snot


20 Jan

I’m going to pull a double whammy here, because frankly, I’m lazy.

Dear guy who used his snot as a hair styling product/girl who removed her eye crusties while wearing leather gloves,

Boogerboy: It was bad enough that you used the palm of your hand as kleenex multiple times.  Was it necessary to rub it in  your hair, which you then styled as if it was gel? Very attractive, rock star. Congratulations, you made me throw up in my mouth a little. I’ve also started to rethink my faith in humanity, but you know, whatever.

Crustygirl: I understand the concept of wearing gloves on transit so your bare hands don’t touch the germ infested pole. Unless you are obsessive, I would imagine that you don’t wash your gloves as often as you wash your hands.  That being said, how exactly might you wash your leather gloves? Think about it, how many times have you worn those gloves? How many door handles, poles, and other random slimy things have you touched since then? And then…. you stuck that glove… in.your.eye. And then… you touched the pole, where your eye crusty was deposited.  And then… Mr. Fancy-business-suit touched that same pole  on the same spot where you deposited your eye crusty.  And then… Mr. Fancy-business-suit used his teeth to remove his glove that touched the pole that touched your eye crusty.

Enough said (almost)…

I believe Boogerboy and Crustygirl would make a fine couple, and live infectiously ever after (with occasional visits from  Mr. Fancy-business-suit).

In all seriousness, if you are going to do this kind of thing, do it in private or at the very least make an effort to not draw attention to yourself. Nobody needs to see that.

Enough said (for real).


Allergic to you. xo


Nose Pickers

23 Aug

Dear Nose Pickers,

This is a bathroom activity. Please keep it that way so as I don’t come in contact with your bodily excrements.


Allergic to you. xo

The fact that I even have to write this offends me.

I mean, come on now, people.  I get the occasional trying-to-be-subtle-scratch-the-side-of-the-nose type thing.  We’ve all done it.  But here I’m talking about full-out, digging a hole to China… and on the subway to boot.

Not only did this guy reach so far up I could barely see his knuckle, he proceeded to wipe his new found treasure all over the pole.

You: And let me guess, you put your hand all over it?

Me: Are you insane? You better believe I watch these fellow transit riders like a hawk and if I would have touched that slime covered pole I probably would have caused a scene that may have prompted something like this:  “Riders of the Yonge/University line, the train has been delayed due to a crazy girl who lost her shit on some random nose picker. Location and status of nose picker unknown. ETA unknown. Steer clear of her if you know what’s good for you.  Sorry for the inconvience.”

You: Wow. That’s some serious aggression.

Me: As if you’re not aware of my many talents by now.

You: I’m not sure I’d call that a talent…

Me: Is that because you also partake in the public pick? You don’t fool me.

You: Hey!! I never…

Moving on…

In conclusion, next time think twice before you pick away like the champion you are and  wipe your bodily fluids all over a publicly accessible pole.  Consider yourself lucky if all you get is a swift elbow jab.

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