Dear hipster teenage dropout who laughed and pointed at me when I almost wiped out on a random spot of ice while crossing the intersection,
1. That was mean. I’m judgemental and bitchy too, but at least I have the tact to keep it to a delightfully themed blog.
2. Karma’s a bitch (likely the main reason you slipped and actually fell when you crossed that same spot). ZING!
3. For lack of a better reaction:
Love,
Allergic to you. xo
Dear people that read books/newspapers/ipads/pods/phones while walking/driving/riding bicycles,
I won’t harp on you for reading… but please do it while stationary for more than obvious reasons (and if you’re reading, you’re probably bright enough to figure that out, you know?).
Love,
Allergic to you. xo
Right. As previously stated I have no issues with people reading. Actually, you will most likely always find my honker shoved in some book while travelling on transit (this is mainly to keep my head exploding from annoyance).
But…
You: There’s always a but.
Me: Well obviously, genius. If there wasn’t a but, I wouldn’t be irritated and there wouldn’t be a blog.
You: Hmmm. Imagine…
Me: Ya, ya, the world would be a better place, bla bla yadda yadda.
Anyhoo, I’m not placing texting and walking/driving/riding in the same category, since that is an entirely separate charming little entry. Expect it in the near future.
You: Great.
Me: Hey, I sense the sarcasm in your voice and… I like it. Nice work *high five*.
Where was I? Ohhhh yes. I believe the new trend is to read while walking or doing some other activity which generally requires your attention in some small or large way. For example, usually walking involves looking straight ahead, side to side, or occasionally, up in the air. If your line of sight is blocked by a book/paper/pod, it’s entirely possible you will zig zag and/or b-line it into another innocent passerby.
Enter: Me
I’ve tried many times to dodge the walking reader, but it’s nearly impossible as no matter which way I dodge, the reading walker zigs and zags the same way. Don’t get me wrong, this activity can be highly amusing, until….
…. the reading walker slams into me. I would even be okay with that if…
You: Ha. You would so not be okay with that.
Me: Okay, you’re right. I would be less irritated if the reading walker said those two precious words. Wait for it… wait for it… Did you guess it? Come on. Did you?
You: Now you are the irritating one.
Me: Okay, okay. ‘I’m sorry’.
That’s what I was looking for. I mean, how hard is that? I am extremely unimpressed when reading walker gives me a snarl and grunt because while not paying attention, they happen to ram into me and lose their balance. That goes for you reading bikers too. Yes, I’ve seen it, and no, it’s not pretty. I won’t even begin to dive into reading while driving because, well, it’s not rocket science, people.
In conclusion, if you can’t multitask like the best of them, then don’t. And if you’re reading and walking and happen to walk directly into a pole, I will be that person who just yelled, ‘ZING!’
allergic to you... 
